I’ve heard so many pieces of advice about dating and finding the one that God has for you to marry. What I want to say today is that you should evaluate whether you actually like this person. Yes, the one you thought of while reading this.
I think it’s important to acknowledge that sometimes we can get so caught up in particular aspects of a person or get caught up in who they have potential to be that it distorts our view of reality. The problem with being interested in, or dare I say loving someone romantically, is that after you marry them you’ll be disappointed because they’re not what you thought they were.
Beloveds, I encourage you to push past what you love about the person you have in mind and think about their weaknesses. I don’t mean to be negative, I mean to encourage you to be real and to think about them so you can say, “yes, I’m ready to live with this weakness and be graceful/patient”, or, “no, that’s a dealbreaker”. The thing about relationships is that they’re never perfect, because people aren’t. In relationships people naturally tend to show off their best sides but it’s so important to be vulnerable, admit your weaknesses and work through them.
On top of that, it’s important to do some research. Find out what your family and friends think of this person to help you make sure you’re seeing reality and not your own distorted perception.
Here’s a list of other important questions to ask yourself:
- Do they pursue Jesus first above all things, even you?
- Do they love the word and sound doctrine?
- Is it God’s will? You will know this by peace God gives you about it. Lean not on your own understanding.
- Are you comfortable together?
- Do you actually, truly like this person for who they are on the inside? You will know the answer to this question by your thoughts about them. If you think about things they said or did often that reflect godly character then the answer is yes. If you most often think about their appearance or their achievements or social status then the answer to this question is no.
In saying that, I’m not saying you should look for a perfect person because that doesn’t exist. If you’re called to be married, it’s God’s heart for you to be married to an imperfect person. Because that’s the point. To conform you to the image of Christ. Marriage is for a man and a woman to complement each other to raise the roof of the Kingdom of God because they couldn’t do it without each other! It’s a partnership in ministry as a married couple, it’s a partnership in the spirit to pray and encourage others and each other. Human marriage is a reflection of the marriage in the spirit between Christ and the Church: a holy, loving covenant.
Most importantly, seek God. Always ask the Lord to confirm His plans in the scripture. I’ve heard people say, “God told me I’m going to marry so-and-so”… well, is that your own thoughts or from the Holy Spirit? Pray over it and surrender it to the Lord. The biggest piece of advice I can give is to seek FIRST the kingdom of God. Seek JESUS first. Never let the throne of your heart be overtaken by anything but Christ. If you can’t keep Jesus first when you’re ‘in love’, then you’re not ready for a relationship. Even if it’s a godly one. Because then you won’t be able to keep Jesus first in your marriage. For marriage to be fruitful for the Kingdom, then it’s foundation and priority needs to be Jesus. We live for Christ!
Ask God’s guidance and discernment.
I pray this encouraged you,