The Bible is clear as day that premarital sex is a no-no but that leaves a grey area containing stuff ‘less intimate’. My convictions come from the biblical relationship between a man and a woman. The Bible mentions men and women as either brother and sister, or husband and wife. This notion is supported by 1 Timothy 5:2, “…encourage… younger women as sisters, in all purity”.
I want to emphasise the ‘all purity’. But before I go into it, I want to establish that if you have engaged in premarital sex or premarital intimacy of any sort, your sins are forgiven. You are made pure by the blood of Christ. All your stains are removed by the Lord’s riches of grace which He lavishes on you, dear beloved. You are accepted into the Kingdom and you are not condemned because Christ has taken your punishment on the cross. How good is our Merciful and Gracious God.
As a general rule, if you wouldn’t do it with your sibling, don’t do it with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Simple.
Let’s focus on the ‘all purity’ part of the verse I mentioned. Our interactions with others should be in 100% purity. Yes, this is a high standard. But with God all things are possible. & if you think this standard is too high, ask God for strength.
So, looking at romantic relationships, my conviction is that romantic relationships shouldn’t look much different to friendships. A secular quote I once read is “the only difference between a boy friend and a boyfriend, is the space in the middle”. Through a biblical lense, the space in the middle ought to remain until marriage. It is between you and God as to when you kiss your SO, some couples are convicted to save it for their wedding day, some for their engagement; that’s yours to pray about and seek God on. If it sounds too hard then you need to pray for strength.
If you wish to live in purity for God’s glory and for your own protection and joy, be prepared to be considered an odd ball by the world, and sometimes even by other Christians. We’re supposed to be set apart- we’re children of God living in a world governed by the devil!
Here are my personal convictions that I encourage you to consider applying to you:
• Never sit too close. Your physical positioning when you’re with your SO (significant other) should be as if you are just friends. That includes no out-of-context (context being dancing or something like that) hand holding or arm holding. Just to be clear, no kissing and nothing more intimate, obviously. However I do have the conviction that my SO may kiss my hand but only on special occasions.
• Never travel in the same vehicle at night. There is too much temptation and possibility in this.
• Dates should always be in public places and preferably in a group setting (accountability purposes). That includes if one party is dropping the other home; if no one is home, this should not be happening.
• Do not say “I love you” unless you’re willing to marry them (see my other post on emotional boundaries, coming soon).
On a side note, dating/courting whatever you want to call it, under God’s governance should be built on the foundations of Christ and the bible with the intention to potentially marry the one you’re interested in. If you wouldn’t consider marrying them- what are you doing!?
Make sure you talk to your significant other about your boundaries and agree on them. Don’t compromise your boundaries because they disagree. If they disagree with your boundaries because you’re ‘taking purity too seriously’, then you need to reconsider the character of the person you are with.
Today, I challenge you to heighten your standard of purity.
Because of the enormous amount of grace the Lord has FREELY gifted us with, we should be motivated by His character to please Him as much as we can. Remaining pure in heart & flesh is pleasing to God.
Secondly, this kind of living will make your married life so special. You know how when you’re at school or work and you suddenly remember a bowl sitting in the fridge at home of delicious food and it’s all you think about for the rest of the day? It’s that same kind of longing and anticipation for the food when you get home to eat it that makes it so much better to eat (unless someone already ate it, grrrr, but we won’t talk about that hahahaha). Similarly, waiting to kiss or have sex will make it so much sweeter after you’ve said ‘I do’ and make it so much more exciting. This too pleases the Lord- sex is a good gift to us.
p r a y e r
Dear Gracious Father,
Motivate me by Your character and the work on the cross to want to please with all of my being and in every way that I can. Purify me and teach me how to be pure. I thank You that all my shortcomings and dirty smudges are made pure by Your blood and that I can stand pure and blameless before you. Teach me more about the power of the cross and how it purifies me so I can come close to You. You are wonderful. Help me to see Your Marvellous-ness in all it’s beauty and power. Strengthen me to aim higher and dig deeper. Give me a yearning for Your Word & Your sweet presence. Plant me in a church where I can be spiritually fed. O lover of my soul and the One who my soul loves and longs for, You are my Creator and my heart is Yours and Yours alone. Do with me as You wish. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray, amen.